i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
