it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
