It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
