yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
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he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
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I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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