i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
