If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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