This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
