Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think your dad took our porno
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
is it fun? or sober?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
