You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
