did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
