I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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