ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
