Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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