i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
