a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
