You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
