From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
