You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
