Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
