I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
