Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
