Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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