It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
