Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
