his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
