You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
These tits shall not be calmed
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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