I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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