I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
