she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
