I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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