Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
