literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
