I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
