I looked at my own cervix.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
