Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
