As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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