I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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