I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
