Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
