Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
