Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
