I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
