Joe is yelling at the trees again.
im six kinds of drunk right now
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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