i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
