you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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