Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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