Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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