I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
