this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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