your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
