he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
