I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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