just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
