I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
this will be a night to untag.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
