I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
