And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
