You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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