Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
handjob tips. give me some.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
