I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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