He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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