its not stalking. its research.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
