you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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