idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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