Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
