he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
