Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
