Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
